I am no longer my own, but yours.
Put me to what you will, rank me with whom you will.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering…
For the past few evenings our group has spent time in devotion and study of the Wesley Covenant Prayer. This prayer is familiar and I have considered it frequently enough… but when I’m in Honduras, it becomes especially impactful and significant. As I’m sure it’s intended, this prayer speaks directly to me as a member of the Honduran mission team – especially those first three lines.
Clearly, on a mission trip such as this, my agenda is not of my own making – I’m submitting to what God has in store for me and has planned for me. I’m living outside of myself and my comfort, seeing how God might transform me and what relationships he wants me to discover and build upon. He has plans for me and I’m ready to do the work he has waiting for me, alongside the people he intends for me to know. I’m prepared to surrender my own ideas and give God my full attention.
It’s the “suffering” part that really hit home with the team tonight. Does he want us to be really, really uncomfortable, smelly, dirty and tired as we go about the day’s work? We know God doesn’t truly mean he wants us to suffer, in the misery and agony sense of the word. We do know he wants us to stretch ourselves and get a little uncomfortable, engage in work that we might not ordinarily find ourselves doing. He wants us to pay attention and notice the discomfort we feel when we are issued a challenge from God. In order to “do something” we might need to suffer through the uneasiness that comes with the anticipation and execution of work which is not familiar and routine – work that might require us to push our talents and discover new gifts. Tonight, a few people in our group shared experiences of when they felt they were called to do something they were certain was God’s intention, and how the “suffering” was worth the joy and fulfillment in the end.
Michelle, a psychotherapist specializing in trauma, left Honduras last year with a very strong calling that there was work for her to do here. She knew she would be back and she knew she wanted to work with the families of Honduras who might be suffering with depression and anxiety. Over the past 13 months, she’s spent time praying, planning, researching, Skyping, questioning, talking and praying a lot more about what she should do to best utilize her gifts. What exactly was needed for the people of Honduras and how could she present the information considering the cultural differences? Launching a ministry that could potentially meet so many overwhelming needs also presented incredible challenges to work through. With God’s faithful nudging and the encouragement she received through prayer, worship and scripture, she kept going. All was well and she pushed her boundaries, working through the challenges. I’m sure there were many times when it would have been easiest to just say “Sorry, I can’t do this afterall,” and resume life as usual. But she didn’t – and this was her suffering part. Today, Michelle along with 5 wonderful facilitators, met with 35 Honduran women who arrived to work through their depression and domestic violence issues. The women responded well to Michelle; they were conversational, trusting, and open to sharing. They were emotional at times. The discussion went in a few unexpected directions and it was clear that Michelle was offering a valuable service to them, an opportunity to learn and lean on one another. It was a blessing to have witnessed the relationship building that took place today.
Because God called her to this task, Michelle stepped-up and the women have seen the impact of each person’s faithful following. Michelle shares with me “I just so believe. I’ve seen this whole process unfold over the past few months – things happening as they should happen. My trust in God has multiplied. God has met me every step of the way.”